Love, Dragons and Twisted Things

"People were created to be loved.
Things were created to be used.
The reason why the world is in chaos,
is because things are being loved and people are being used."

Is every person worth loving in that way? To appreciate everyone, each for his or her own individuality is fine and all, but to love them? Is love that baseless a thing? Will not sharing it without restraint dim its value. And just imagine, if tomorrow it does not even have value, why will people even try to love.

Sometimes loving things seems a better choice. When that thing seems to immortalize your ideals, preserves it in a way no other thing can, especially not a person, doesn't it seem the right thing to do?

Chow... Tc... Peace out.

Blink

"Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget"

It's not worth it to forget something with spite. To judge your memories is probably the biggest mistake you could make. To learn from your mistakes, you need to treasure them.

"Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Till they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye"

- Regina Spektor

The $h@dE gets Nyan'd

So I din sleep. Like all night. Not a big thing. But yea.

True Story:

I was "Nyan"ing for the past hour or so and i come across this video of a reaction to the original... As soon as it starts the guy watching gets a seizure or something, throws his laptop out and starts rolling on the floor clutching his ears.

Exactly 2 seconds later, my computer crashes.

:| ... FML.

Chow... Tc... Peace Out.

Simplistic Beauty

* DISCLAIMER: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. *


So I'm off on a search to rescue her. She has been snatched by a horrible and evil monster. This probably happened because I made a mistake. Not just one. I made many mistakes during the time we spent together, all those years ago. Memories of our relationship have become muddled, replaced wholesale, but one remains clear: her turning sharply away, her braid lashing at me with contempt. I know she tried to be forgiving, but who can just shrug away a guilty lie, a stab in the back? Such a mistake will change a relationship irreversibly, even if we have learned from the mistake and would never repeat it. Her eyes grew narrower. She became more distant. Our world, with its rules of causality, has trained us to be miserly with forgiveness. By forgiving them too readily, we can be badly hurt. But if we've learned from a mistake and became better for it, shouldn't we be rewarded for the learning, rather than punished for the mistake? What if our world worked differently? Suppose I could tell her: 'I didn't mean what I just said,' and she would say: 'It's okay, I understand,' and she would not turn away, and life would really proceed as though we had never said that thing? We could remove the damage but still be wiser for the experience. Me and her, we lounge in our castle garden, laughing together, giving names to the colorful birds. Our mistakes are hidden from each other, tucked away between the folds of time, safe.

For a long time, I thought we had been cultivating the perfect relationship. I had been fiercely protective, reversing all my mistakes so they would not touch her. Likewise, keeping a tight rein on her own mistakes, she always pleased me. But to be fully couched within the comfort of a friend is a mode of existence with severe implications. To please you perfectly, she must understand you perfectly. Thus you cannot defy her expectations or escape her reach. Her benevolence has circumscribed you, and your life's achievements will not reach beyond the map she has drawn. I needed to be non-manipulable. I needed a hope of transcendence. I needed, sometimes, to be immune to the Princess's caring touch. Off in the distance, I saw a castle where the flags flutter even when the wind has expired, and the bread in the kitchen is always warm. A little bit of magic.

Visiting my home for a holiday meal, I felt as though I had regressed to those long-ago years when I lived under my parents' roof, oppressed by their insistence on upholding strange values which, to me, were meaningless. Back then, bickering would erupt over drops of gravy spilt onto the tablecloth. Escaping, I walked in the cool air toward the university I'd attended after moving out of my parent's home. As I distanced myself from that troubling house, I felt the embarrassment of childhood fading into the past. But now I stepped into all the insecurities I'd felt at the university, all the panic of walking a social tightrope. I only felt relieved after the whole visit was over, sitting back home in the present, steeped in contrast I saw how I'd improved so much from those old days. This improvement, day by day, takes me ever-closer to finding her. If she exists - she must! - she will transform me, and everyone. I felt on my trip that every place stirs up an emotion, and every emotion invokes a memory: a time and location. So couldn't I find her now, tonight, just by wandering from place to place and noticing how I feel? A trail of feelings, of awe and inspiration, should lead me to that castle in the future, her arms enclosing me, her scent fills me with excitement, creates a moment so strong I can remember it in the past. Immediately I walked out my door, the next morning, toward whatever the new day held. I felt something like optimism.

She never understood the impulses that drove me, never quite felt the intensity that, over time, chiseled lines into my face. She never quite felt close enough to me - but I held her as though she were, whispered into her ear words that only a soul mate should receive. Over the remnants of dinner, we both knew the time had come. I would have said: 'I have to go find her,' but I didn't need to. Giving a final kiss, hoisting a travel bag to my shoulder, I walked out the door. Through all the nights that followed, she still loved me as though I had stayed, to comfort her and protect her.

Perhaps in a perfect world, the ring would be a symbol of happiness. It's a sign of ceaselessness devotion: even if I will never find her, I will always be trying. I still will wear the ring. But the thing makes its presence known. It shines out to others like a beacon of warning. It makes people slow to approach. Suspicion, distrust. Interactions are torpedoed before I can open my mouth. In time I learn to deal with others carefully. I match their hesitant pace, tracing a soft path through their defenses. But this exhausts me, and it only works to a limited degree. It doesn't get me what I need. I begin to hide the ring in my pocket. But I can hardly bear it - too long tucked away, that part of me might suffocate.

- A slightly modified excerpt from Braid

Left-Wing Politics

It's annoying to see someone stuck in a particular phase in life. They jus't keep going in circles, from one obsession to another. It's worst when you realize that you were once part of that vicious circle. Not because you regret it. Definitely not that. You might have enjoyed every single moment of it, maybe a little too much, cause you let those memories make a very deep impression on you. And to see someone play around with those memories is not fun.

I have to come to terms with myself. To accept that it's time you stand up for your priorities. I feel like a Marxist in the modern Russian Republic.

Understanding in the end seems to be the pure essence of life. How you percieve. Without it we're all just a bunch of degenerates.

Peace.

Momma Said

Changes come. Life will have it's way, with your pride son. Take it like a man.

Keep your dignity. Take the higher road.

Just like the rain, this too shall pass. It's just a broken heart, son. This pain will pass away.

Into oblivion.


Peace out...

A Feel of Things

"Faith and feelings are the warm marrow of evil. Unlike reason, faith and feelings provide no boundary to limit any delusion, any whim. They are a virulent poison, giving the numbing illusion of moral sanction to every depravity ever hatched.

Faith and feelings are the darkness to reason's light.

Reason is the very substance of truth itself. The glory that is life is wholly embraced through reason, through this rule. In rejecting it, in rejecting reason, one embraces death."

Don't say you don't have the strength to do it. You just don't want to. It's not worth the effort for you. You need to find a meaning for things again. Dismissing everything with contempt will get you nowhere. If you listen hard enough, you will realize that your heart and mind speak the same language. Wake up from this illusion. Or drown in it.

Chow... Peace out...